Mark, the Cellar Nanny, and Bob Campbell,MW

I remember reading somewhere about a pecking order of traumas such as death of a close relative, divorce and public speaking. Oddly it didn't include one of my most traumatic experiences to date, the discovery that my wine cellar got too hot in summer.

I had for years stored my wine under the house in an area that certainly felt cool when I walked in from the summer heat. The purchase of a cellar thermometer showed the temperature reached a maximum of 24^o C.

I built a new temperature-controlled wine cellar. It cost slightly more than my first house. Because my wine stocks had climbed to around 2000 bottles I needed some cellar software. I chose the Vinoté system (www.vinote.com). A Vinoté tag was attached to every bottle. Each tag included a number that was linked to my computer software. I now simply browse through my computer records to find the number and location area of any wine. Simple.

To set up the system, tag my bottles and enter them in the computer was going to take some time. I hired a computer-literate, wine enthusiast friend to help me. Mark was delighted to help. He only had a small cellar of his own and relished the opportunity to organise my larger collection of bottles.

The arrangement worked perfectly. Well sort of. In no time my cellar was organised. Mark even bought a scanner that attached to my laptop to streamline the entry and removal of wines. I could find bottles quickly and Mark would drop in every couple of weeks to enter wine purchases and delete wines used.

I began to understand what a mother must feel like when she hires a nanny to look after her children. Mark was closer to my wines than I was. At first he just commented on the wisdom of my purchases. Pretty soon he began to influence them by dropping comments like, "You seem to be a bit short of young German Riesling" or "I would back off buying any more vintage port".

When he came to update my records Mark would ask me about the wines that I tasted. "How was the '90 St Henri?", he would say with an enquiring and slightly envious tone. I started to keep leftovers for him so that he could taste the wines for himself.

I now miss those intimate little moments when I used to bond with my bottles. The excitement of unpacking new purchases and choosing a storage spot that would give me ready access and allow me to gaze fondly at their labels. I miss knowing exactly where my bottles are without looking at my computer. I resent the pleasure Mark gets from my bottles.

QUESTIONS

When did you first start a wine cellar?
In 1974. I was an accountant for a winery and had joined a wine club to learn more about the product. I remember buying two bottles of Orlando Hermitage from different vintages and a bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape. I put my purchases in a cool place under the house. Two weeks later some friends dropped around unexpectedly. The following morning I discovered that we had drunk my entire cellar.

Did you find it difficult to build up a stock of wines?
Yes. There are two sorts of people in the world; hedonists and hoarders. I'm a hedonist. Hedonists tend to live for the moment and have a disregard for the future.
Mind you, hoarders are worse off. Most of them can't resist opening there treasured bottles. Eventually they have a cellar full of oxidised wine.

With a stock of 2000 bottles even a hedonist must keep wine for too long?
I have a working cellar. My stock of bottles supplies all of my courses and wine tastings. I turn over more than 1000 bottles a year. I also constantly review my stocks and sell or swap bottles that I am obviously not going to use. Mark keeps a pretty good eye out for obsolete stock.

What's the oldest bottle in your cellar?
Not very ancient, I'm afraid. I've got a bunch of 1983 vintage ports and German Rieslings. That's about as far back as it goes. Hedonists tend to drink the oldest bottles first. I bought a 1795 Madiera in 1990 and planned to drink it in 1995 when it was 200 years old. Impulsively I drank it two weeks after I bought it.

What's your cleverest wine purchase?
I bought two bottle of 1967 Chateau Y'quem for $18 each in 1977. It was a great vintage. They must be worth $1500-2000 today. I drank one bottle on the day that I bought it. It was so good I knocked the second bottle off the following evening.

What are your most precious bottles?
Mugnier Musigny (various vintages) - a fantastic burgundy from my favourite producer.

Which grape variety is devoted to the highest number of bottles?
That's easy, Pinot Noir.

Do you have many larger bottles?
I love big bottles. There's something enormously sexy about them (I'm receiving counselling for this minor obsession). I have lots of magnums but no larger bottles. I once had a six-litre bottle of 1970 Château Lascombe. I couldn't find an opportunity to open it - very frustrating for a hedonist. It became an albatross around my neck. I finally decided to open it at my 50th birthday party when we had 40 people coming to dinner. Two days before the event I panicked. What if it was corked? I rushed out and bought a six-litre bottle of 1988 Sociando-Malet. The wine was great. I gave away the Sociando-Malet shortly afterwards.

.